It’s that time, when the snow hits the ground and everything is grey outside, and you just want summer and something else. I’ve been going 100mph for a little too long and I think I’m finally cracking. But that’s ok, cracking is a good thing, it leads to new things. I realized that I need a major overhaul, and first, a major detox. The old ways have not been working. Time to shed this skin and try something different.
I would like to take the next 3-4 months (or however long it takes) and just chill out. I’m clearing my weekends. I’m taking on less freelance work. I’m not trying to anxiously or intensely plan anything, but instead become empty again. There is a great passage in one of Marianne Williamson’s books that goes like this:
In Zen Buddhism, there’s a concept called “zen mind,” or “beginner’s mind,” They say that the mind should be like an empty rice bowl. If it’s already full, then the universe can’t fill it. If it’s empty, it has room to receive.
So I’m working on emptying my rice bowl again. Forgetting everything I know (well not everything, but anything that hasn’t been serving me), and clearing the plate for better things ahead. I removed all social media from my phone. I haven’t decided if I will delete it from my desktop yet, but I may. It’s just too easy to get wrapped up in it, and I’d like things to be a little more peaceful.
Also, and maybe not coincidentally, I’ve been on a motorcycle kick lately. I’ve been dreaming of California and the PCH and roadtrips. When I used to ride the subway during my old commute I had a long stretch where I could read. I got about halfway through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and I’m looking forward to picking that up again. And finally, during my last hair cut my lady gave me an anti-frizz product called Easy Rider. I know, I know. So every morning I see it and think of that movie, which I haven’t watched for years, but it’s happening tonight! :)
I’ll check back in here when I’m feeling creative again. But for now, no expectations, and no stress.